Monday, June 11, 2012

Since our talk last week, things have been extremely busy this week.  Ok, CHAOTIC would be more like it. 

Summer vacation started and his son did finally start a new job that he got through the school.  I'm very proud of him for starting to take the initiative to get out there and actually want to do something. I had him start a journal of what he did throughout the day and put him on a limit for computer time. He has been beginning to follow it, although he gets mad at me for insisting on putting limits on him, he has been able to adjust.  His autism pushes him to be in his own little world, but I can push back just as hard.  He has begun to find that pride in his accomplishments that I so hoped he would have.

His youngest daughter started summer vacation by going to a friends. Only this quickly turned into something that caused a problem.  Before leaving to go to her friends house she had asked for a pool pass that would cost $20.  Ok, not a big deal, we said that we would get it for her. She left before we could get it to her. Instead of coming to us before leaving to get it, she went to his ex-girlfriend and apparently told her that we could pay it or didn't want to pay it and the nasty text messages from his ex began. Point one, she is not her child. Two, she had no business sticking her nose into any of it. Three, how in the hell does a 15 year old become that manipulative that she will do or say anything just to get what she wants?!

I am completely aggravated by her behavior and I'm ashamed to say that I'm actually relieved that she is not here.  Trying to get my boyfriend to gain his confidence back as a parent and a partner has been a struggle at times but for the first time I heard him stand up for himself and he laid into the ex for her intrusion. 

I've seen, in the last few weeks, a calmness start to settle over him and he doesn't let the little things bother him as much as they once did.  This is a definite improvement.

As for me.  My oldest son and his wife left to move to Georgia.  Apparently he left on bad terms after an arguement with my brother. To say that this week has been full of children drama would be an understatement.  My youngest son is leaving for Alaska for a school trip soon and my vivacious daughter is coming to see me for a bit this summer as I get prepared to move closer to her. 

I have an interview today for a temporary position.  It's all I'm looking for at the time being to get ready to leave.  I have started looking for work and a place.  I am still currently working on my confidence in myself that I can do all of this and keep my sanity in place. That is if I still have any left. 

I have also started to do some of what I enjoy doing, making old furniture into something new.  Not that I have done anything other than start to re-do the furniture, I'm not sure I'm ready to list my work for sale but as I do more maybe I will.  I just have to get to that point.

I feel my life at a standstill and I'm still trying to figure out how to get it to move forward. Am I really at the point in my life where this is all that there is left? Where did the joy in my life escape to? I feel numb to much of what is going on around me. Whether this is partly to do with the insomnia or if this is what is causing it.  The question right now is,  how do I get it back?

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