Over the weekend my boyfriend/roomate's oldest daughter came for a visit. This was definitely not a pleasant experience.

When she came the first time it was within a few days after I had moved here. Her immediate dislike of me was very obvious. I'm not sure what it is that makes her hate me but she had a pre-judgement before even arriving. His ex-girlfriend and her are friends. Not a good way to start.

I'm not sure if I'm wrong for thinking this, but shouldn't he have been the one to say something to her?  If you are with someone, and supposedly you love someone, would you really allow your grown adult child to treat that person as though they were nothing more than an intrusion in their life? I know that it's probably not all her fault, I have made every effort to avoid being around her because the dirty looks are not comforting. But the poisonous nasty negativity she spread through the house with the other kids who DO live here was even worse.  It took months for me to get his youngest daughter to trust me. It took almost as long for his 19 year old son to come to me. In two days she totally destroyed all of it. Apparently she told the youngest daughter that she said "Hi" to me and I ignored her. WHEN THE HELL WAS THIS? When she was going out of her way to walk away from me to let the dogs out? When I was at work maybe?? Or maybe it was when she was watching TV with her sister eating ice cream and bitching at the TV? 

I have no idea, but what I do know is that I would never allow my children to do that to the person I was with. But the other thing is, my children have better manners than that. It's fine to dislike someone, it's not ok to disrespect them in their home.

Now, the other hand. As a parent I feel that no matter what, it would always be their home no matter where I am. I also would never ask him to choose between me or his child, no matter how aweful their behavior.

I have been thinking more and more of moving back to the state where all my family is. This was just the final notch that made the decision that much easier.

I have been researching and have been looking at homes and jobs in the area. I think I found the house I want, now for the new job.

If it seems rather quick, it's not. The last few months here have brought more frustration, more unhappiness. I'm tired. Tired of fighting to keep a relationship. Tired of fighting with the ex. Tired of not seeing my family. Tired of trying to keep everything going just to be in a place I'm  not completely happy.

Not being happy is probably the reason for all of my frustration and my attitude of late. I'm normally a very happy person and I can be the life of the party. I smile at everyone no matter what. But when that smile started to wane was when I really started to wonder what was wrong with me and why I was so angry all the time.